10 devaluing phrases used by people who push everyone away

We all make mistakes from time to time when it comes to communicating, but often the hurtful mistakes we make with words are so subtle that we may not even realize we’re making them.

Being a victim of this can be confusing too. What we find completely offensive too often seems like a no big deal to the people we’re in a relationship with—or so they say.

10 devaluing phrases that turn people off in your life and that you need to stop using.

Jimmy Knowlesrelationship expert working closely with a psychotherapist Mathias Barkerrecently decided to make a compendium of sorts for repeat offenders when it comes to this kind of bad communication.

His tough love advice, full of sardonic sarcasm, is a kind of guide to what NOT to do in a relationship, be it with a child, partner, friend or boss.

They will also be instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever felt completely devalued by someone who seems intent on alienating people with their words. Or as Knowles puts it: “If your goal is to make your partner or child feel completely abandoned and alone, this will probably do the trick – I’m just kidding, please eliminate them from your vocabulary entirely.” Solid advice.

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10. “You’re imagining something.”

“Oh okay, Gaslighting and Nullification “is my least favorite collaboration,” Knowles joked sardonically. But he’s right. Saying these things to someone can be deeply hurtful and infuriating. And by the way, this is especially harmful when said to a child (don’t ask me how I would know).

Like psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy explains that by checking the child’s emotions, he answers the key question in his head: “Am I real?” Without this feeling, they will never learn to trust themselves—or anyone else, for that matter. So yeah, can you stop this please?

9. “I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“Well, the problem is that you refuse to listen to understand what I’m saying and you keep interrupting, saying, ‘I don’t understand what the problem is,'” Knowles growled. Yes, that pretty much sums it up!

Too many people don’t seem to realize that they are not the arbiters of other people’s feelings, and this is a very strange phenomenon indeed! And what’s funny is that these people are often the same people who explode when their own feelings are invalidated.

In any case, saying “I don’t understand what the problem is” is completely stupid when the person is literally telling you what the problem is. Avoiding a tough conversation is feigning ignorance. We see you!

8. “Why are you ruining a good day?”

“I’m sorry I tried to share what was on my heart, it won’t happen again,” Knowles joked.

No one owes it to you or anyone else to swallow what you did to hurt them just because it would be easier or “more fun.” To be able to maintain relationships with people, you need to be willing to listen to them, whether it is convenient or not.

7. “Sounds like your problem.”

Knowles had only one word for it: the deeply sarcastic “amazing.”

Because it’s fair? Aside from the fact that you sound like an 8th grader, this actually sounds like YOU have a problem since you’re clearly not strong enough to handle conflict or open communication. Grow up and delete this word from your vocabulary when you’re done!

6. “You’re so sensitive.”

“Wow, I’m so appreciated and respected,” Knowles joked.

There are people who are very sensitive – they are often called “very sensitive people“, with its own mental health term and everything. And yes, they can be difficult to deal with if you are in any kind of relationship with them. But shaming, ridiculing, or firing them for it is counterproductive, short of ill will.

Have you ever been told to “calm down”? Didn’t work, right? Same here. Give it up.

RELATED: The Quiet Superpower That Comes with Being a Highly Sensitive Person

5. “Your feelings are not my problem.”

Forgive me for saying this, but PAGING GEN Z. Given the proliferation of mental health terms and therefore have been distorted beyond recognition on social networksMany young people like to repeat things like “I don’t owe anyone anything” and “Your feelings are not my problem” as if they were some kind of highly evolved mantras.

But Knowles put it quite succinctly: “No, it’s not (your problem), but I was kind of hoping that you cared about how your words affected me.” If all relationships are a matter of responsibility for you, prepare to be alone forever.

4. “You make a big deal out of nothing.”

See #9 because they are essentially the same thing. You are not the arbiter of what is important and what is not!

Or, as Knowles puts it: “Who died and made you the judge of big deals?” This doesn’t automatically make the other side right or justified, but if you really want to be in a relationship with someone, you need to at least be willing to listen to them.

3. “I’m sorry you think that way.”

Who are you, a real housewife? This is not an apologyit is a manipulative technique used by someone who does not know how to use their words. It is also extremely disingenuous. Or, in Knowles’ parlance: “Are you sorry? It doesn’t look like it.”

2. “I was just joking; can’t you make a joke?

Oh look! This is the number one tactic of narcissists and bullies! Can we all be adults here and just agree that if a joke hurts someone’s feelings, it might not be such a good joke after all. – and perhaps this is not even a joke at all, but rather an act of aggression that you wash off by calling it a joke? See also: “pranks” should make everyone laugh, not just one person who cries.

And don’t get me started on the whole “everyone is too sensitive now, you can’t joke about anything anymore” nonsense and a joke, because we’re not talking about your dumb A’s at the comedy club; we are talking about interpersonal relationships.

1. “Why can’t you just get over it?”

Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said and have undermined everything I tried to convey to you and refuse to take responsibility and think you’re my boss and mine. experience and emotions?! May be? Maybe? Just a shot in the dark, you heartless, emotionally stunted braggart!

Just kidding, just kidding (but not really). But seriously, if you’re using these phrases, stop—and perhaps more importantly, if you’ve been a victim of these phrases, you probably have a real tendency to direct them at others, too. It is important to recognize these trends and treat them with caution.

And then, you know, stop it. Because the underlying truth of it all is that when you devalue someone and shut them down, you back them into a corner and prevent the relationship from going anywhere. Unless such destruction is your goal… well, perhaps a different approach is best!

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John Sandholm is a writer, editor and video host with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. It covers topics of culture, mental health and human interests.